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    How do you handle disturbing family news ?

    I spend some time searching newspapers for information on people in my family tree.
    This can be a rich source of information from reports of births, deaths and weddings.
    I sometimes find a life history in a report on a Golden Wedding.
    These reports bring to life the people in my family tree.

    I also find reports of events that could be disturbing to relatives.
    A suicide when the daughter is living and knew about the event.
    A suicide when the granddaughter is living and did not know about it.
    A report about child neglect in the early 1900s, for a man with a glowing obit 20 years later.

    On a similar subject, English census records in the 1800s had a column with terms such as "imbecile" for a person.

    What are the views of this group on reporting negative information about people in an Ancestry Tree ?

    #2
    Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

    Tread very carefully. Try to feel out the situation before you decide on whether to share or not.

    Example: I have a distant cousin (3rd once removed) who I would occasionally exchange email sharing research. He recruited my help in finding out where his grandfather was born as he was only able to narrow it down to Los Angeles county. I was able to actually find that the birth occurred in a "home for unwed mothers" and that the father was unknown. I tried to gently share but he got pissed because it threw into question a lot of his work. This was a few years ago and I am still (and may always be) persona non grata to him.
    Bob White, Mac Nut Since 1985, Reunion Nut Since 1991
    Jenanyan, Barnes, White, Duncan, Dunning, Luce, Hedge and more
    iMac/MacBookAir M1 - iPhonePro/iPadPro - Reunion13 & RT

    Comment


      #3
      Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

      Generally, for people in the last 3 generations (or so), I don't publish anything negative about them. My wife's uncle made all sorts of disparaging remarks about various deceased relatives which I dutifully took down in my notes of the interview back in the 70s. It was interesting to me - but not enough so to hurt any living relative's feelings. So we expunged that from our database and published histories. If someone's grandfather committed suicide, either they already know about it and don't want to be reminded of it or have others know about it, or they don't know about it and what value does it add to their lives to find out?

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        #4
        Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

        As a genealogist, my task is to find information about the people I have included on my family tree. The way I see it is, when something happened and I have a factual reference to support the event, I add it to my tree. It is data. Some of it, indeed quite a bit of it, may be "upsetting" to somebody, somewhere. That is their call. I will still add the data to my tree.

        Publishing my tree is an entirely different matter. What I do publish is the bare bones of my tree—births, marriages, deaths, divorces. Anything else I keep. If someone wants to contact me to ask about my tree, then I will share. However, I am careful to ask the enquirer what info they have, first, to try to determine how much to share. For example, I was recently contacted by a "cousin" who was born illegitimately. I replied, asking him what he knew and what he hoped to find out, before sending him the "delicate" information. He was thrilled to find out.

        It is a matter of assessing the recipient, I think.
        Jan Powell
        in Wellington, New Zealand
        http://www.rellyseeker.nz/
        --
        Apple/Mac since 1987, Reunion since 1993

        Comment


          #5
          Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

          I like this discussion, and I like Jan's philosophy.

          Once your family tree has some 1000 people in it, you'll know some of them were better than others, some of them bad, all of them human.

          There is a published genealogy of the Runyon family of Scotland and Kentucky, and Adron Runyon is one of my great grandfathers. He had a wife and several children, but he also had four boys with his house keeper, Mary Ann May, one of whom is my great grandfather. On the death certificates of three of these "bastard children" Adron Runyon is listed as their father, but they used and bequeathed their mother's last name to their own children. I've heard but have no documentation that his wife Jane Maynard knew all about this, and also that he deeded land to these boys when they came of age.

          In the published genealogy in the entry for Adron Runyon and his wife Jane Maynard and their children, there is a whole paragraph about how Adron was a justice of the peace and attended the Baptist church and was a fine upstanding citizen of the county and a man of noble character and repute.

          The author of the genealogy tries to ensure one version of history but really only provides further evidence of something entirely different.

          David
          Gilbert - Fulcher - Hackney - Harvey - Holmes - Hall
          in Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, and beyond.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

            "What are the views of this group on reporting negative information about people in an Ancestry Tree ?"

            As others have said -- tread carefully. I don't maintain an Ancestry tree but I have been in correspondence with folks who were not happy with the information they asked for. One case -- a beloved Presbyterian minister whose great granddaughter was unhappy about the information that he was a kind of bigamist (didn't actually marry mother of his 5 children until his first wife died) and lied about his birth, background, etc. Another case -- the inquirer was a descendant of my G3grandfather and his mixed-race companion (he later married her white cousin and moved from Virginia to Tennessee) --I had to warn the inquirer that the early census records recorded his children as mulatto and that any older relatives might be disturbed--never heard back from her.
            Kate McCain

            Researching BARKER, FESSLER, KENEIPP, MCCAIN, MORRIS, MONTGOMERY, RAIFORD, WOOTTON, (and in Georgia-- WEBB, EVERETT, LUCKEY, LOWMAN)

            Comment


              #7
              Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

              Originally posted by Paul Bridges View Post
              On a similar subject, English census records in the 1800s had a column with terms such as "imbecile" for a person.

              What are the views of this group on reporting negative information about people in an Ancestry Tree ?
              I have seen Lunatic or Insane on a lot of people who we know were mentally challenged. I record the facts as accurate as I can and put in the notes my explanation.

              For instance I have a relative who moved with her daughter to another city... the mother lived to be 91 the daughter died at age 66 before the mother. We found out that the daughter had downs syndrome.

              A lot of people with downs syndrome were labeled as imbeciles and lunatics in the old censuses. It was cruel times back then, they did not know how to properly classify or treat mental illnesses or developmental disabilities.

              Thank GOD times have changed.

              Allen

              Comment


                #8
                Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                Originally posted by Jan Powell View Post
                As a genealogist, my task is to find information about the people I have included on my family tree. The way I see it is, when something happened and I have a factual reference to support the event, I add it to my tree. It is data. Some of it, indeed quite a bit of it, may be "upsetting" to somebody, somewhere. That is their call. I will still add the data to my tree.
                Jan this is true... I researched a ladies tree and she was very very pleased to see her family descended from high southern and English society... until I reached the point where her G G G Grandmother was a mulatto and the daughter of a plantation owner and a slave mother. "Oh no this can not be" she said and would not accept it.

                I did a lot of research and she did not pay me for my time and trouble. I'm sorry but facts are facts... and if the facts upset you then don't go shaking your family tree. You are certain to have a few nuts and surprises fall out of it.

                Allen

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                  Originally posted by AlPrunty View Post
                  Jan this is true... I researched a ladies tree and she was very very pleased to see her family descended from high southern and English society... until I reached the point where her G G G Grandmother was a mulatto and the daughter of a plantation owner and a slave mother. "Oh no this can not be" she said and would not accept it.

                  I did a lot of research and she did not pay me for my time and trouble. I'm sorry but facts are facts... and if the facts upset you then don't go shaking your family tree. You are certain to have a few nuts and surprises fall out of it.

                  Allen
                  I've come across a similar problem (though no pay is involved). This has to do with a great-great-grandfather who as best I can determine maintained two families concurrently. I've checked back and forth and haven't found a way out of it. This grandfather married twice-- the two weddings both duly registered; what's a tad amusing is that with one wife,he used his first name and with the second, he used his middle name. The two households were in different counties, which is convenient. He is buried near/with his first wife, who gave him 8 kids; I haven't found when his second wife died nor where she is buried; she was the mother of 6 of his kids.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                    Originally posted by Pat Bell View Post
                    I've come across a similar problem (though no pay is involved). This has to do with a great-great-grandfather who as best I can determine maintained two families concurrently. I've checked back and forth and haven't found a way out of it. This grandfather married twice-- the two weddings both duly registered; what's a tad amusing is that with one wife,he used his first name and with the second, he used his middle name. The two households were in different counties, which is convenient. He is buried near/with his first wife, who gave him 8 kids; I haven't found when his second wife died nor where she is buried; she was the mother of 6 of his kids.
                    I'm still digging on this problem and it's not gotten any easier. Adding to the problems is that his surname is a very common one in the state.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                      One does not start genealogy without expecting to find skeletons.

                      I have one of these too, maybe. Family lore says Michael Phillip Nippert left his 1st wife after being home intermittently (the oldest son finally had enough and kicked him out)--and he supposedly then married in another state.

                      I actually think there may be some credence to the story, since his daughter (by that first wife) insisted he died in the Spanish American war...

                      That daughter (my grandmother) was born in 1905. (A remarkable feat for a man who supposedly died a few decades earlier).

                      I have postcards to his wife that are addressed to Mrs. Michael Nippert up to 1911 and then to Mrs. Nettie Nippert after 1912. He is with the family in 1910. I have not found him after that date. And while Nippert isn't all that common, most of the men were named Michael or Philip Nippert...and my great grandfather was Michael Philip. Nettie never divorced him.
                      Christina
                      Searching for Moog, Nippert, Wilson, Wolf, Mule, and a whole bunch of other names

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                        Originally posted by Pat Bell View Post
                        I'm still digging on this problem and it's not gotten any easier. Adding to the problems is that his surname is a very common one in the state.
                        I also have a g-g-grandfather who was a bigamist. I'm thankful he was since I'm descended from his second (and much younger) wife.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                          Originally posted by fmlyhntr View Post
                          One does not start genealogy without expecting to find skeletons.
                          I guess I don't understand the question.

                          You document what you have.

                          If you have found the second marriage, include it, if not, you include the 'gossip' you have been told in his note field.

                          It would not be disturbing news to me, if it were my great grandfather, but, if your grandmother were still living I'd say not to include it in published family charts.

                          If you think it will upset people, make it private. Up to you to choose what you share and with who.
                          Mary Arthur

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                            A dedicated genealogist must present the data as it is; deliberate omission can only result in misleading others.

                            Recently, I discovered a grand uncle (much loved by my mother) had committed suicide, and I've shared that with his direct descendants (my 2nd cousins, who were mystified as to why they had never been told). Yes, this information was undoubtedly unwelcome news, but facts are as they are. Oddly, we've become close since I revealed the news; I think they value the idea that others in the family know and can share the pain.

                            As an example, World War 1 was ugly, horrible and unbearably tragic (I lost 9 great uncles, 5 of them on the Somme), but the story cannot be suppressed because other relatives may be distressed at the news.

                            Then there are other discoveries that bring embarrassing news. My ggg-grandfather was in the Glasgow Constabulary in the 1860s, and I recently got a copy of his service record. Well, it isn't overly flash. He was disciplined, demoted and finally sacked after: 3 times arresting people without good cause; twice being in a public house while on duty; twice failing to attend a fire; once for insubordination; and once for striking a woman! My goodness! Shame and scandal in the family!

                            However, this is what the man was, and that is what we search for when we study our ancestors. I could also mention that this man lost all but one of his six children to TB (phthisis), and that he died from the disease at only 39. My guess is that he had become an alcoholic trying to deaden the pain of the tragedies in his life, and this likely made him a lousy cop.

                            But I must tell the story, or all this work is meaningless.
                            Last edited by Karl Craig; 23 February 2017, 10:41 PM.
                            Karl Craig
                            Brisbane, Australia

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: How do you handle disturbing family news ?

                              Genealogy can expose all sorts of skeletons, whether you want a skeleton or not. I happen to like skeletons--but I did respect the feelings of a great-aunt who knew, but didn't want to discuss the fact her mother had had an illegitimate child (my grandmother). I didn't publicaly start searching for my great-grandfather until my great-aunt passed away. Sadly, the same woman didn't want to talk about her time in the Danish resistance.

                              Sharing skeletons is iffy--but no more iffy than trying to convince someone that their research is totally wrong (politely). Every family is different, so there is no one right answer. But for ourselves, record everything, even if it isn't made public.
                              Christina
                              Searching for Moog, Nippert, Wilson, Wolf, Mule, and a whole bunch of other names

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